Monday, June 29, 2009

How Well Do U Know Ur Alphabets…

This seems like a funny lil’ question eh– how well do u know ur alphabets?
M sure u nit-wits wud say Pretty Well…but what lies beneath the qstn is – how WELL do u know ‘em!!!

Well…when I first learnt the alphabets, there seemed this natural bond that I formed with them. They appeared like a huge soap opera setting.
My brains thot of this whole soap opera thngy in an era when “The Bold & The Beautiful” maybe was just conceived.
And people in India recognized “soap” as nothing more than a cleanser.

All the 26 alphabets have a unique character, a role that is inscribed in my head so well that nowadays I link up TV/Movie stars with certain alphabets.

Wanna know how…

A is like this old sophisticated man who leads the pack (The GodFather). The rest of the jing bang is scared of him but he makes sure whoeva needs help, gets it!

B is in a way the “wife” of A. She takes care of the house and their child (C) and makes sure all their needs are met (*cough* typical housewife).

C is the lovechild of A & B. A total brat. Like me. (No u morons, m not a love child…err…I mean I was born out of love(making) and ofcourse marriage).
Everyone seems protective about C, but she doesn’t really seem to care. She always follows her heart/head/dreams.

C is pretty fond of D and tries to hang out with the old man a lot. (Yup, D is somewhat grandpa’s age). He teaches her music and art and theatre. (Wow! Some grandpa!)

E is an orphan whoz brought up by D. He’s the “good” son that every parent desires. No bad habits. No bad company. Intelligent, smart and very reserved.

F is the real brother of E, but totally opposite in nature. He’s into bad company, gambling, smuggling and the works. Right from childhood, F was a rebellion who unlike his brother discovered a different “kick” in following the ways of G.

G is the bad element of society here. (Yeah, in spite of people loving the G-string!)
He runs his own “company” – the G-company, brooding anti-social elements. But he has a soft corner for F, so limits F’s activities to just gambling and smuggling. F lives like a king, splurging money on monetary pleasures.

Next comes in a different set of family.
H is the elder brother of I. Both orphans. They live together. H is a hard working, intelligent and righteous fellow who’s made a stand in society.
I is a “special” kid. He’s a slow learner. He is 15 (physically) but has the brain of a 5 year old. H wants a wife who’d be a mother to I. His life revolves around I.

J is the (somewhat shrewd) father of K who wants L to marry his daughter K.
J tries to play his cards right to get what he desires.
K is the soft-spoken, clean hearted good daughter of a bad father.
L is the rich dude. Owning lotsa businesses. Smart, Intelligent, Sophisticated.

Now here’s a little twist again.
M & N are best friends (girls).
L falls in love with N, the first time he sees her. M plays cupid and tries to hook them up.
But N also has a responsibility.
Her younger brother O needs a lotta attention and care.

L promises to take care of them both.
(Phew! Talk about a soap opera at the age of 2!)

Another new turn.

P & Q are the 2 wise old men, who sit on the park’s bench every evening holding intelligent discussions. They talk about current affairs, news, politics, sports. And they never meddle with anyone. Neither do others bother them.
They know the skin & deeds of the rest of the alphabets. But they never go around advising anyone. They prefer being silent spectators. Wise!

Now, R is a total ass-kisser. He tries to make money off S.
S is a sweet old lady who’s oblivious to the ways of the world. All she cares about is her son T.
T is a young lad who studied in the US, earned lotta merit and is now back to do smthg worthwhile in his country. He loves his mom and dad U.
U & S are a divorced couple. The only link they have is T.
V is T’s friend. Or shud I say “best friend”.

W is just another character in the soap. (An extra)
X reminds me of Xylophone. Hence a musician who makes his living by playing in renowned clubs of the city.
Z is an animal lover (maybe coz I can only think of a Zebra).

Hmmm…so that’s that.

Boy! Talk about imagination!!!
Every time I think of my alphabets, this is the entire link up that flashes in my mind.
Feels like I know them as people, and not just Alphabets!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

A friend (male of course) jz passed this to me....& being a good soul i thot i'd share it with u all...

Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.

Live & Learn & Pass it to all !

Through my working career, I’ve learnt a lot. And drawn a certain conclusion regarding a certain section of society. I wish I could name it. But the fear of raising a social uproar and in the best interest of society/humanity (and my life), I hold back my tongue/fingers.

(Pssst…if someone really really really really wants to know what I’m talking about – get in touch with me…and once u’ve managed to gain my trust over a couple of years I’l tell u who I’m talking about. Or the easier way out – try guessing from the clues below. Just pray u are smart enuf.)

Well…this sect is the measly one.
Remember the saying, a fool and his money – soon parted be.
This sect holds on to money just like a person drowning in the sea holding on to a leaf!
They ain’t the literal fools. They are mostly penny wise, pound foolish kinds!
No Wait. They are not at all foolish. They’d wna save up every single paisa they can hold on to. (No they are not the “marwadi’s”)

They are the first ones to ask for a loan. And the last one to repay it. Without any interest mind u. And when u happen to ask them to repay, their wise arse comment is – “M not running away…I’l give it na.”
Thank u sir, I’m obliged u said that. My ears wanted to hear u say that (for the umpteenth time) and my heart just relaxes everytime u say that. Its been just a few years and I feel now my money is safe with u. DUH!

Most of them lack business sense. Hence they do well only as clerks, teachers, employees (who do only as much as they are told or paid).
Forget business sense, they lack general civic sense …no wait…most of all they lack common sense!

Most of them are religious, god-fearing souls. Quite a few of them can sing too. And surprisingly, some of them do look good! Light brown/blue eyes, fair skin complexion, sharp features, sweet looks (ahem…I’m talking about the girls here and yup I’m straight.)

I soooo wna share this incident with as many people as I can…oh but I’d just have to tone down a lil’ coz…they kinda know me thru certain formal connections!
I know I can’t stop being my “bitchy” self but hey I’m gonna try…here goes nothing!

So,
I got to know these 2 dudes (middle-aged businessmen…as they say) through a certain professional / formal network. And they had a certain piece of work they wanted help in – yeah with my writing skills ofcourse! So I kinda agreed. BIG MISTAKE!!

When it came to discussing about terms & conditions of work and payment, they got a lil’ stingy (like “such” men usually do) and after a while (read: me being stubborn and adamant about the quality of work) they gave in to the demand (boy! U bet! They better…)
Oh but not before they made it a point to kinda comment sarcastically that no “attitude throwing” will be tolerated.
Excuse me!!!
“Attitude” !!! ME ?!?!?!
U wish honey! Bah!

What followed next was a series of meetings and forums for further discussion as to how to guide the work towards its route of completion.

I sooo wish I could write what they discussed and how they discussed it!
Actually I wouldn’t have to write much then…it would all be self explanatory (oh but then writing this blog won’t be as much joy!)

Most of their discussion revolved around “money” and “revenue collection” as they called it. Yeah ok, I get it – u need moolah to keep u running ahead in life but honey…what ever happened to cognitive power?? Being reasonable? Completing the project before measuring its success. Launching it the right way before commenting on its reach.

One of them kept harping, “why should we give someone an option of choosing the cheaper scheme? He better take the expensive one. He gets more perks certainly.”

All I could do is stare at him, and honestly was dying to get back home to write about the meeting and laff about it. It was not what he said…it was the way he said it.
Major uneasiness reflected on his face when he spoke about revenue collection.

We all love options. And that’s what kinda makes life fun! Or a living hell sometimes.
I don’t want to mock him. But such stupidity surprises me. And the worst part is I can’t say anything about it to him. Damn! I wish I could!

Oh u’d laff at this. Once the same man got upset with me. U’d be surprised to know why.
It was ‘coz I did not mail him certain contents, but I mailed his partner.
Well I agree, it was partly my fault – coz I was under the impression that the partner was the decision maker (since I never heard from this man reg. the content revisions or wteva) and secondly, his mailbox bounced my previous mails (twice) so I kinda refrained from sending him anymore.
Boy! Was he upset or was he UPSET! His little male ego was left with a scar. A bad one (as I could guess from his reactions towards me). A sad but harsh tone, full of criticism, flooded the room. I was zapped. All I wanted to do was ask him his age. But a good soul accompanying me had warned me to keep my wise arse comments on hold.

All he kept saying was – y didn’t u mail me? Any particular reason? Henceforth limit your conversations & meetings regarding this matter with my partner.

Oh I’m sorry kiddo…I was looking for some reactions and feedback from the adults u c!
And when I took up the work u looked well above 40 !

Wow! When I walked out of the room (after giving him valid reasons) all I could do was light up and wonder – what just happened in there? Someone got upset coz I did not mail him! Wow!

My love (as always to my rescue) reasoned it out with me. And made me smile. Hez friggin smart and wise when it comes to dealing with “such” people.
Thank God, he made me see the lighter version of “such” people.

So the moral of the lil’ story is: Avoid dealing with “such” people. Or if u do, God Bless U!!! Like Hez been blessing me J
Or better still, pray u have someone really nice and loveable in ur life!

There are more meetings to attend. And few more instances to laff at. If I remember to jot ‘em down for u all to learn from it I will. Else someday u’d encounter all this yourself I’m sure. Coz its not as big a world as it seems. And “such” people are found everywhere.
Y should I be privileged enuf to bear the foolishness alone.

Jai Mata Di

God…
don’t we all somewhere somehow believe in HIM?
He is the giver. Of Life. Of Luxuries. Of Feelings. Of Emotions. Of Everything.

But yet, we humans deem it necessary to be beggars all our lives. Every step we keep asking for something or the other.
As a child, for more playtime. Or better/more marks in school. Or for better/more friends. Or for better/more girl/boy friends. Or more time away from parents.
As teenagers, for more playtime. Or for better/more friends. Or for better/more girl/boy friends. Or more time away from parents. (This is no typo…c'mon u all know we’ve lived thru all this.)
When we start working, we ask for better pay. A better boss, whoz a lesser d*** than the previous. Better colleagues, who know how to waste time near the water cooler or the coffee machine. For a better half, whoz better off dim wit. A better life, and good kids (who’d eventually throw u outta home).

Fine, u ask the Lord for what you want. But why do u want to bribe HIM???
“Lord, if u grant me this, I’ll take a shower (finally after 5 years).”
“Lord, if u grant me this, I’ll walk home every night from the bar, on my feet.”
“Lord, if u grant me this, I’ll stop being the pain in the arse that I usually am and won’t push people in the man-holes on the road.”
“Lord, if u grant me this, I wont be a bitch to my maids. Or my security guards. Or my family. Or friends. Or to people in general.”

Btw, just so that u know, God ain’t looking for instant gratification.
Hez the Almighty, for a valid reason. Coz Hez got it all.
Hez the one who knows our needs and deeds. Our wants and desires. We don’t have to tell him. It’s His wish to give or take from us, as and when we deserve.

Well, I’m not going all gung-ho about God and his ways. And no offence to anyone reading this and taking it the wrong way in his/her head. I’m God’s favorite child. And hence so “special”.
I like the praises we sing for Him.
Particularly, “Jai Mata Di”. Coz it brings in me a crazy tick.
“Jai Mata Di…te main papa di” hehehe…
(Jai belongs to Mom, and I belong to my Dad…hehehe…)
Only the happy-go-lucky Punjabiz can interpret this.