Sour today...gone tomorrow...Then what!??

Remember how i once spoke about a safety net. We all have one. We just need to fall once to know that it is still there – to save us from crashing or hitting the ground.

I realized we all have a pillar too. Right behind us. We just need to know exactly how far and how strong it is. The pillar too supports you when you are about to fall – backwards (of course). But sometimes it ain’t a good idea to check how “strong” it actually is, in the wrong way.

You know, like ducking when life throws all those lemons at you. You smartly duck and let your pillar have it all. And sometimes you throw lemons yourself at the pillar just to show that you can do without it. Not to forget that life sometimes also throws bigger things – err...maybe big ripe full-grown watermelons!
And you duck again. You manage to save yourself. You turn only to see your pillar crashing in the most unexpected way.

And oh, how would I know, you ask. Err...experience talks honey, experience talks.

I thought I was tough. I thought I was strong enough to take care of myself – without the pillar. And i ducked every time I faced life’s lemons. Sometimes I threw rotten lemons (read: tantrums) at my pillar to evade all the feelings that up-roared.

I wanted to be cold and heartless. I wanted to be strong enough to control my emotions and my feelings and my thoughts and my fears. I ignored my pillar that supported me for so long. So much so, that I put it through troubled waters, quite a few times.

So when the pillar crashed – I still thought I could stand and brave the Northern Winds. Seems like I was just fooling my self. The first gust, full of lemons, got me. And got me bad. The “strong” mask, I wore for so long, fell off. It felt worse than a band-aid rip off. And all I was left was with, were tears.

I thought I was smart enough to never let anyone or anything hurt me. I didn’t care about the winds, the lemons, the feelings and the blows. I used them, lemons, for my vodka. But when the cold wind hit me and the blows got me down - I couldn’t even move. The lemon sprinkled vodka finally "hit" me.

I know I’m not making any sense. How can I?!??! Life doesn’t make sense to me either.
What I hailed as my support and my pillar is no longer there.

So finally what am I getting at?
I don’t know.

All I know is that you must never hurt your pillar. 'Coz once down – it’s not often that you get support instantly. So be mindful of your support. It might not be there when you need it the most. If your pillar gets too sour - it breaks. What do you do then?